


in your shadow

by legalityQueen



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Family Issues, Gen, Internal Monologue, Mental Health Issues, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legalityQueen/pseuds/legalityQueen





	in your shadow

it started like normal. my daily routine. mom rushes me to get up, because we’re going to be late. it wasn’t out of the ordinary. and like every morning, your side of the room reminded me of what i’m not. 

not a success, not a brilliant student, not an athlete. not adored by everyone. i’m nothing like you. 

and the bullying that day wasn’t even really that bad. i’m used to it by now. that seems like a silly thing to say, doesn’t it? but really, it’s smarter to just act like you don’t care about that sort of thing. it pisses the violent ones off, but soon they grow bored of me. like most people. 

but then something was different. a new world! at first, i didn’t believe it, really. i thought, maybe the world was playing a cosmic prank on me. a prophecy? with me as a hero? it just felt so out of place, so—new. i was hesitant at first, but the prince seemed friendly enough, so i tried to help him. 

we traveled to so many new places. so many, i felt dizzy, watching all the colors and plants and people go by. so many suits of cards and spades and funny antics. and lancer, too, who eventually joined our side. through puzzles and pacifying enemies (and pacifying susie), we finally reached our destination. the king’s castle, which housed the fountain of darkness we needed to calm. and with lancer’s help, and the help of the entire kingdom of darkness, we won. we won!

you have no idea how excited i was to finally have played a part in something. to know, even if this world wasn’t my own, that i helped someone. that i wasn’t useless. 

but then it was _you._

i thought you were a prince of darkness, someone i hadn’t known. i should’ve realized your name was a skirting of the truth, a poorly-chosen veil. but no. even in this new world, i’m still in your shadow. you treated me with so much kindness throughout our journey, but now i can see, it was all sickening pity. soon after you showed me your real self, i fled the kingdom of darkness, retreating to the world i knew. 

on my way home, your name hit me like stabs in the chest. it seems nearly everyone i talk to would rather talk about you, instead. “when’s asriel returning from college?” “man, i miss the old days with him.” i can’t go more than a few moments without being reminded of you, being reminded of how useless i am. 

it drove me mad, that night. i finally snapped again. i know i’m not supposed to, i know i shouldn’t have, but i just needed to escape from the awful feelings inside me. i was so desperate to evade the jealousy and the sadness and my nightmares that i did it. i cut it out. soulless, finally properly detached. 

because even when i escaped to a world of darkness, i was still in your shadow.


End file.
